STEVE’S 10 RULES OF MEDIATION
There is a flow to a Mediation, it’s not two persons working against one another, it is THREE persons working together as a team to find a common goal. It’s Give + Take = Compromise and YOUR Happiness.
They say there are unwritten rules of Mediation . . . Really? I thought it might be good to write them, so here are mine.
- WHAT THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT IS NOT WHAT THEY’RE TALKING ABOUT
- IF A PARTY KEEPS REPEATING THEMSELVES, THEY DON’T FEEL LIKE THEY’RE BEING HEARD. FEED BACK WHAT THEY’RE SAYING
- PARTIES CAN’T GO BACKWARDS & FORWARDS AT THE SAME TIME. IF A PARTY IS STUCK IN THE PAST & CAN’T MOVE FORWARD, THERE IS AN UNDERLYING EMOTION THAT NEEDS TO BE ACKNOWLEDGED FIRST. REFLECT THEIR EMOTIONS
- INTERESTS ARE THE FLIP SIDE OF EMOTIONS
- WHEN IN DOUBT SUMMARIZE
- THE PARTY WHO MAKES THE FIRST “GIFT” – I.E. CONCESSION, APOLOGY, ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF THE OTHER PARTY’S VALUE “WINS” (I.E. COMES CLOSEST TO THEIR GOALS)
- YOU CAN BE HAPPY, OR YOU CAN BE RIGHT – YOU CHOOSE
- SOMETIMES THE RIGHT ANSWER AT THE WRONG TIME IS THE WRONG ANSWER. IF A PARTY IS NOT EMOTIONALLY ABLE TO MOVE FORWARD, TRY TAKING A BREAK. IF THAT DOESN’T HELP, SUGGEST ADJOURNING & REGROUPING FOR ANOTHER SESSION, POSSIBLY WITH A SUPPORT PERSON
- THE MEDIATOR SHOULD NEVER BE WORKING HARDER THAN THE PARTIES
- DON’T LET YOUR DESIRE TO BRING PEACE TO THE PARTIES’ CONFLICT DIMINISH YOUR GOOD WORK. SOMETIMES GIVING THE PARTIES A SAFE AND RESPECTFUL SPACE TO TALK, WILL TAKE SOME TIME BEFORE THE PARTIES CAN MOVE FORWARD
I’m here to help . . . Please give me a call to discuss your issue and let’s work to resolve it.
Steve Olsen – Mediator | Arbitrator
consult@olsenmediation.com